Man to Man to Man to Man Talk
by RoryJessfan7
Summary: Every week Jess has a night out with the guys, but they would rather tell him what to expect from a pregnant Rory. Just a Oneshot. Better then it sounds, Please review!


(A/N okay, set in the future, L&L have one kid, L&T have Dula, L&Z have the twins and RJ are going to be parents. Btw, I have no idea how to spell Liz and T.J.'s baby's name.)

Disclaimer: If I owned Gilmore Girls, which I don't I would have made a 8th season, grrr, why didn't it happen!!

Luke sat, stood actually, at the bar waiting for T.J. and Zach to show up. Jess had come with him but some how disappeared. Why did that always seem to happen when they went to a strip club?

The fact that their wives' didn't like their choice for a hang out every Saturday still didn't stop them from going.

So there was Luke, standing because he didn't want to make a lap, as T.J had more then once pointed out. In T.J.'s crazy mind, a lap was just an allusion. Luke shook his head as he thought about it.

He saw Jess coming out of the bathroom and walk towards him.

"Where were you, you know better then to leave me alone in this place, last week I was temped to poke one of those strippers' eyes out with a dart." He said to his nephew.

"Bathroom, best to use it before the puking starts, I believe I have told you this already. And would you sit down, you look like a flannel billboard standing there." Jess told him sarcastically.

"If I don't sit there is no lap to dance on." Luke stated bluntly. "Standing up makes you give off a 'come and get it look.' I'm here now Lukey, so if one of those sluts tries to hurt you I can fend them off while you rock back and forth in the corner." The young adult told him in a baby voice.

"Don't be a wise ass." Luke parented him.

"Yah, yah..." Jess said, bushing it off. Just them he saw Zach and T.J. walking up to them.

"Looks like the gang is all here", T.J. said. "Jess your still alive my friend. How is my favorite stepson?"

"I'm your only stepson, and why wouldn't I be alive?" Jess asked him.

All the men looked at each other, and after a moment of silence Luke said, "Jess, I think it's time we had the talk."

"Okay, it you mean about the whole reproducing thing, I think I know how it works, my wife is pregnant you know." Jess said, still looking at all the men, more confused then ever.

"Not that talk man, I mean the real talk. The one that no man wants to admit to", Zach said.

"Can someone fill me in, cause I'm still lost." Jess asked again.

"The oh-my-god-my-wife-is-pregnant, talk", T.J. said to him.

"The what?" Jess asked, still puzzled.

"Jess, we've all been there and can tell you from experience that it is not at all what the after school specials portray it." Luke said to his still clueless nephew.

"You're all insane", he told them.

"Dude, I think you need some advice, or you will be in total shock for the next nine months of your life." Zach stated, slapping Jess on the back, pushing him forward.

"Welcome to hellville, it's gonna be a bumpy ride, buckle up, and take a seat for the most amazing-worst experience of your life", T.J. said in and deep voice with a fist by his mouth for the affect of a microphone.

"Jess, just sit down and listen to what we have to say, and if you don't like it, just stuff it in the back of that head of yours, next to 8th grade math and those few months for your life in California", Luke said, knowing that was going to have to listen, considering the women didn't let them back in the house until eleven, saying they needed a few hours of _not _picking up after them.

"Fine. But if you so called 'wise men' break out into song, I'm leaving." Jess told them, giving them knowing glances.

"Deal." Zach Said.

They all sat down and ordered beers, and told Jess all the things he would be experiencing.

"Jess, let me just say this, now I may sound a little forward but oh well." T.J. said. "You are going to be her slave for the next nine months."

"Do you mean like her sex slave, if so I think I could live with that." Jess said with a smirk.

"Well, when your mother was pregnant, she was a over me-", Luke cut him off.

"T.J. we really don't need to hear these things, especially me." He said

"Well what he means if, what she wants, she gets." Zach told him, all the others nodded in agreement.

"Whether it be things having to do with the baby, like clothes, or trips to places and, the worst of then all. Cravings." All the others shuttered at mentioning this.

"Trust me man, you do not want to get in the way of them and food. Seeing as your wife is also a Gilmore that means coffee." Zach told Jess.

"Yah Jess, you see coffee isn't good for people when there pregnant." Luke said, "So I've heard." Jess said to him. "And you see, all they do is drink coffee, so that means hiding it. And by hiding it I mean, get it out of the house."

"You want me to throw away all the coffee?" Jess asked "That's suicide! I'll be killed and the body will never be found but rumors of me moving to another country will be around town for years!" he shouted.

"When I did that to Lorelai, trust me, it wasn't pretty, but they will forgive you, and all you have to do about the diner is keep a pot full of Pepsi and poor it into a cup and give it to her." Luke told her.

"Rory's not stupid, Luke. I think she can tell the difference between her life line and an imposter." Jess told his Uncle.

"Oh, she will be, and when she throws the cup at your head I'll be there, laughing." He told Jess.

"I thought you were supposed to be helping me." Jess said, wit ha smile on his face.

"But there's other stuff too, that you gotta worry about", T.J. said. "Like when she has morning sickness, go over and hold her hair for her, even if she threw something at you just five minuets before."

"Yah, hair holding, that's a big thing, it will earn you some brownie points my friend." Zach informed the once run away Jess.

"But I have to tell you son, the most painful thing is the labor." T.J. said to him.

"Well no shit, she's giving birth for God's sake!" Jess said, waving his arms around in the air.

"I didn't me for her, I meant for you." T.J. told his stepson.

"What are you blabbering on about now old man?" Jess shot at him.

"When she goes into labor she's gonna need someone's hand to hold, and that my friend will be your hand." Zach said, "Lane gave me a scar when she had Steve", he said, looking at his hand.

"And Lorelai pulled out half my hair because I had to carry her from the car into the hospital, as you recall." Luke said, "And trust me, the insults they throw at you will not be pretty, but you got to take them, and just hold her hand."

"I thought they were in too much agonizing pain to even talk?" Jess said, his voice rising in question.

All the fathers laughed, "If only it were true Jess." T.J. said

They sat in silence for a while, until Luke finally spoke, again.

"But you know, not everything about pregnancy is bad Jess." He said

"Yah dude, there's the first time for fell them move, and the way the wife has like a glow around them." Zach said, then all of them started to reminisce and talk about their wives and what they experienced in those nine months that Jess is a about to have a feel for hands on.

---A few hours later---

Jess arrived back home to find Rory asleep on the couch, so he carefully picked her up and put her into bed.

Where he fell then asleep next to his wife and unborn child. These months were going to test his every skill, but if her can handle her now, he could handle anything a kid could throw at him.

Or so he thought….

Please tell me what you think, if you like it I might to one that shows what Rory was doing with her mom, Lane, and Liz that same night. But only after I get some feedback!


End file.
